It’s not a secret that relationships require a lot of work.
Whether they’re successful or not, relationships require you to get to know your partner and after learning about them, you can then come up with a decision about your future together.
Having someone by your side that you know you can trust and who loves you is a very special feeling.
Relationships aren’t always perfect. Even the successful ones endure fights that seem like they’re going to be the end of the world. It takes very special people to work out their imperfections and insecurities and come to a conclusion that both can agree on.
That being said, some problems don’t have solutions. Even with all the love in the world, some relationships don’t end up working out. In relationships, a lot of people forget to overlook the basics when in fact, they tend to be the most important.
Here are 5 reasons why relationships don’t always work, even when you love each other.
1. There Is No End In Sight for the Long Distance Relationship
In the modern-day, a lot of relationships begin online. Some people choose to meet locals while others take full advantage of the entire dating pool and start looking overseas. Long-distance relationships are definitely easier than they used to be, pre-internet.
We have video calls, texts, Facebook, really a lot of tools to keep us in constant communication with our significant other. My boyfriend of 6 years and I did long-distance for at least 4 months out of the year for the first 5 years of our relationship.
He was in California while I was in New York and not only was the distance hard but also the time zone difference. I would wake up as he was still sleeping.
It definitely took a lot of effort and lack of sleep from both parties to continue our relationship. Through all of these issues, we always knew we would live together eventually. All we had to do was finish university and here we are, one year after graduation living together.
This may not be the case for all long-distance relationships. When both of you have established a life in completely different places, it becomes a matter of who is willing to give up their life. This is definitely not an easy decision to make and ultimately, it can be the end of your relationship.
It’s not realistic to carry out an entire relationship from different parts of the world either and even if you love each other, this will cause your relationship to fail.
2. You Want To Explore Your Options
Once you get into a relationship, it’s up to you to stay devoted to that person. You got into the relationship because you like or love that person and want to be with them hopefully forever.
It’s important to take time to yourself and think if you really want to be in this relationship. The last thing you want to do is hurt their feelings. Flirting with other people while in a relationship is an iffy topic. Some people consider verbal flirting cheating while others think it’s good to do it in order to maintain a healthy relationship.
Less than a year into my relationship with my boyfriend, I realized that while I loved him, I had feelings for another person. Thoughts of this person consumed me and I felt like I was harming everyone involved in the situation, including myself. Ultimately, I decided to tell my boyfriend that I had to break up with him in order to explore this feeling I had.
While I loved my boyfriend, I couldn’t help but wonder if I loved the other person more. Still, it wasn’t fair of me to have throng feelings for this other person while being committed to my boyfriend.
If you’re the type of person who chooses to explore your options, don’t let the history in your relationship stop you. Odds are, the intrusive thoughts of other people won’t go away unless you do something about it. In the end, you’ll end up doing less harm if you’re honest with everyone in the situation and it will let you have a clearer idea of what you want in the end.
3. It’s An Abusive Relationship
Whether it’s physical or mental abuse, love won’t make this type of relationship any better. If you’re the person being abused, you may feel conflicted because you truly love that person and you’ll do anything for them, even if it means enduring abuse. If your partner is treating you badly while telling you they love you, it’s just not true.
Love and abuse never go hand in hand. Even if it only comes once in a while, someone who is abusive always has those thoughts in mind. Though love and relationships aren’t easy, an abusive relationship is something that never has a solution, unless you leave the relationship.
There are always external factors that will make this decision seem impossible but you should know that even if you truly love someone who treats you badly, love is not a one-way street.
4. Fundamentally, You Want Different Things It takes a long time to truly get to know someone. even after 6 years, I’m still learning things about my partner. Though it’s always fun to learn new things about your significant other, it’s always good to have a serious talk about what both of you want. Ideally, this talk is something that should be done relatively early in the relationship.
When my boyfriend and I began dating, we were both 17 so obviously, we were not going to talk about how many kids we wanted at that age. As time went by, we reached our 20’s and things began getting more serious. Topics like kids, career, and home life came up organically and we had talked about them.
It’s always important to know what your partner wants out of life. It’s clear that if you want kids and your partner doesn’t, there is a big conversation you need to have. Issues like these usually don’t have a compromise and it’s better to know earlier than later. It’s biologically impossible to meet halfway on an issue like the number of kids you want.
Similarly, if you’re partner tells you they want to be a bank thief as a career, this might pose an issue for you. Fundamental issues are usually the only issues that can’t be resolved in a relation and ultimately, even if you love each other, the relationship won’t work if you want different things.
5. There Is No Physical Attraction
A big part of romantic relationships is physical attraction. You want to be able to show your significant other that you love them in a way that words cannot express. Hugs, kisses, etc… are all great ways to show your partner you love them without repeating the words.
Ideally, relationships have an equal amount of physical and emotional attraction. If you find yourself shying away from your partner’s touch, it may be an indication that this relationship might not work, especially if your partner is very into physical affection.
It’s not fair to your partner but also not to you. Ideally, you will be with someone who shares the same ideals and love language as you. You may love your current partner but if physical affection is something you don’t want from them, the relationship may not work.
Having love in a relationship is important but as you and your partner evolve romantically, there are other factors that come into play. Relationships don’t have to be perfect in order to work but it is important that you and your partner are on the same page.
Finding a happy balance between what they want and what you want can be difficult and oftentimes, there are issues that simply cannot be resolved, no matter how much you talk.
Sometimes putting in effort still doesn’t yield a happy relationship. This doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, it just means you have to try again.