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Are you a Narcissist?

Narcissism is an attempt to ward off something called the Depressive Position.



The Depressive Position, as defined by Melanie Klein, is where we can hold both the negative and positive qualities of someone in our mind at the same time; we realize the thing we loved and the thing we hated are the same.

We see the object as more than merely a tool, or extension of ourselves, more than just a plaything, but a person.


We also see ourselves in this light, as not all bad, or all good, but as a person separate from the world, with strengths and weaknesses. Like a blurry picture coming into focus, we start to appreciate ourselves. Recognizing both ourselves and others as limited, finite, mortal causes us anxiety about the survival of ourselves and others. We begin to care.


We enter something called time.



Because nothing lasts forever, we become concerned with appreciating life, and worried about its ceasing, it's passing away.


We allow ourselves to experience grief, loss, sadness.


The narcissist refuses to take the depressive position. They will not perceive reality as it is, people as individuals just like them, or themselves as an individual. They are the one, the only, the immortal. This refusal to embrace reality requires a distraction, something that can keep the narcissist busy 24/7. If they can stay occupied, the depressing fact that we are mortal can be banished from their consciousness. And so, the narcissist invents the game.


Me > You.



This addiction keeps them busy, it holds worry and care at bay, the sole focus is on the giddy payout of victory, the prolonging of the infantile quest for impulse gratification. The narcissist wishes to destroy selves, destroy time, bathe in bliss.

My urges exist to be satisfied. You exist to gratify me.


However, every now and then, due to the narcissists compulsive game playing, and failure to plan long term, the narcissist comes unstuck. They crash face-first into reality, which shows them they are not superior, but inferior, not the best, but the worst.


At this point, the narcissist falls apart. Out of money, out of luck, they throw themselves at the mercy of associates and family, appeal to pity, to mercy, to leniency. They appear like a helpless infant. While bemoaning their fate, and bemoaning their loss, in secret the narcissist begins the construction of a new plan. Promising to change in exchange for free rent and board, sympathy and forgiveness, they start plotting and scheming—rewriting the past, rewriting the present—the same friends helping them become enemies holding them back from their ultimate dream.



The same abject failure is farmed out to worthless others, who must be punished for their treason.

Once the new dream is constructed and the mental gymnastics making the narcissist win are in place, the narcissist bursts free from their chrysalis, admitting nothing, thanking no one, accepting nothing, learning nothing.


With a smirk on their face, they leave their haters in the dust, laughing at those who thought the narcissist had failed spectacularly. Depression? What depression? It was all theater darling.



They keep warm by burning bridges.




Are you a narcissist?


Are you?

 

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