Updated: Oct 26, 2022
Do you hold people accountable for their actions? Do you expect them to own up to what they have done wrong? Often, we may become the judge, the jury, and the executioner. But what happens when WE are the transgressor? Are we as quick to hold ourselves accountable for OUR wrongdoing? Do we admit that we are wrong? Or do we justify our actions by explaining away the slur? I have “bargained” with my own self-righteousness countless times. To avoid being the "culprit" it will begin by doing the right thing and being honest about the infraction. It is non-negotiable! Face it, no one wants to be wrong or viewed as the person who causes the damage. We all have faults. We hurt. We betray. We gossip. We judge.
At some point becoming experts at detecting an offense is essential. But at what point, do we acknowledge our own offenses? At what point do we simply say, "I was wrong”? We can operate in a manner that leaves us oblivious to our own shortcomings. But when someone holds us accountable, it is important that we accept and acknowledge that we are the offender. When we hurt others, it puts us in a conscious light. It uncovers our strength. When we own up to what we’ve done it shows character. We are displaying our regard for others when we apologize. A sincere and effective apology can preserve a perfectly good relationship as opposed to breaking it.
If I step on your foot and you tell me that I hurt you, should my response be, "You should not have been standing so close to me?” When a person responds with offensive reasoning it comes across as haughty; It reveals what little respect you have for that person. Human beings are imperfect. And most 0f us get it. So, it would be wise to expect disappointments and challenges. But if people acknowledge the wrong and commit to making an unpleasant situation better, there is not only hope for mending a broken relationship, but evidence that a bond is worth mending.
I would rather be incorrect in a situation while maintaining a significant relationship than lose a good person in my life because I want so badly to be “right". Being wrong and strong will leave you with nothing but burned bridges. If this thought is offensive to anyone reading, this is Essence, apologizing for provocatively awakening something inside of you.
I do, however, hope it provoked you to think about whether you’ve ever been an offender.
About Robin Holmes
A native of Brooklyn, New York, Robin Holmes began writing creatively at the age of eight. She loved the written word so much; she was deemed a “nerd” by her peers. In the 5th grade, her work was published locally. Her love for writing evolved with poems, rhyming words to lyrics, and original + popular songs.
Although, life forced her to put it on the back burner for some time. She never lost her love for the craft. A single mom at 21 years old, she continued to do the work that was necessary to enforce positive change in her and her daughter's life. After moving Upstate, NY in 2002 she began a new chapter in her life. It was a pivot that changed her.
She had a child, worked with children,
and that introduced her to another passion. Educating prompted her to further HER education. So, she returned to Brooklyn in 2008. After losing her dad in 2010, she later gave birth to her son in 2013. Ms Holmes received her Bachelor of Social Sciences degree in 2017. This helped her rediscover her passion for writing after successfully completing this milestone.
Sadly, after losing a coworker Virginia Monger, coauthor of Nia’s Sick Sense, a series of works were born. She wrote more about adolescents. And because she watched the process of Nia’s creation, and losing someone so dear to her tragically it sparked her passion and drive for her to…
“Get back out there."
The pseudonym “Essence” is a name given to Ms. Holmes by yet another loved one that she lost. She uses it in honor of herself and how much she meant to her.
Follow Robin Holmes